and a bittersweet greeting to the new year
Written on Jan. 1, 2023
Do you remember how I said in my previous blog that I don't think I would miss 2022?
I may have misjudged myself a little too severely. This morning, on January 1st, 2023, I found myself checking Instagram as I usually do at some point during the first half of the day. I had written in my journal, and then I viewed everyone’s stories and saw that the majority of them had gone to town to watch fireworks, or they had thrown a party of some sort.
So, not only was I hit by a feeling of not being included, I felt a wave of despair. 2022 is gone. It will never return. I have no way of reliving the moments it harbored for me. We will never buy journals with the year 2022 written on them ever again. My phone’s calendar was already updated overnight to start afresh. Everything feels so desperately memorable now.
There are definitely moments of 2022 that I wave goodbye to with absolute joy. They hurt. But, in saying that, there were many moments dedicated to newfound happiness. Simple things, like sitting at a table whilst out for lunch with two new friends and realizing that it was my first time going out to a sit-down lunch without a parental guardian. I felt so grown up. I also realized how quickly time had moved on from me being a child, and how fast adulthood is approaching me.
2022 is the year that I will remember to be as the twelve months I spent trying to find out exactly who I am. I curated my style. I listened to music at any spare moment in the hope that I would find a song that reflects my dream genre to create.
I scored a dream job. I booked my own flights for a trip to start 2023 with using the money I made from the dream job. I hate the idea of being indebted to my parents. I want to be held accountable to only myself.
The impending doom of the first step to getting my license is on the horizon- and I’ve never felt more disappointed to watch my younger years fade. They were hazy, colorful, and easy to live. The older I get, the more life appears to get better and worse. When I was a kid, life was uncomplicated. I finally understand the lyrics behind Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots.
So, I wonder if that is why I feel regret waking up today in 2023. A sense of ‘did I really live my best life last year?’
When I reflect on all that I accomplished, and what people around me accomplished, the answer is always yes. I did the best I could. I am sure you did too. If you didn’t, why would it matter? Here we are in another year. It is a perfect opportunity to begin again.
I am reinventing myself this year, beginning today. I must accept the fact that everyone grows up. Everyone experiences loss of age. The sadness I feel is something that everyone knows at some point. The person staring back at me in the mirror is not the same person who played with dolls and pretended she was a ballerina eight years ago. Although, in all honesty, I inwardly know my inner child would be incredibly proud with where I am today. I really hope yours would be too.
What a way to begin 2023. I am content. The world has not ended. It may do so- but I will take whatever it wants to challenge me with.
I hope I am not alone when I express my faint sorrow upon watching 2022 drift away. I also hope I am not alone when I believe 2023 will be an exciting year.
I feel much better now that I have written on the subject.
Happy New Year.
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