Marriage: The Newest Scam?

When Vogue published the article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” by Chante Joseph, it made me contemplate my own relationship and stance on having a boyfriend. I’m a little over a year into being with a really wonderful guy, and he ticks all my boxes. I have no complaints, and we communicate openly about various topics, including settling down, having a family, and, of course, politics. I have little doubt that he’s the one for me — so I’m certainly not embarrassed to have a boyfriend — but Joseph’s writing made me reflect on what I want to be defined by. Do I want the most interesting fact about myself to be that I’m in a loving, stable relationship? No. Do I want to support my boyfriend, and have him support me, with an understated yet unconditional presence? Sure, it’s important to have balance.

It’s not that I think having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I think boyfriends are great. They can be helpful, loving, and fun. But I do believe that any woman considering a committed relationship should have an understanding of her own identity before she creates a new one with another person. It’s becoming a common occurrence to spot couples in the wild with the woman showcasing her boyfriend as the spotlight of her personality. As someone who will speak my boyfriend’s praises, but try to avoid making him the main attraction about me besides my other accomplishments, it occasionally pains me to be attending a university where it’s normalised to be engaged within 6-10 months. These individuals, who are my age or slightly older, don’t even have a fully-formed prefrontal cortex. Our frontal lobes are still developing well into our 30s… Is it smart to sign a legal contract at the same time that you’re entering your sophomore year in university?

These 19 to 21-year-olds are getting engaged and very quickly married, while still in college, pushing an image of heavily Christian-influenced, idealistic harmony that every couple seems to be seeking. Listen, I’m religious, and I have my own personal relationship with God that I choose to keep close to my own heart, but there are aspects of the religion that I wish were approached more intentionally. Coming from New Zealand, where it’s more common to avoid marriage altogether and be ‘partners’ with your desired significant other, I have found it interesting to observe such a strong culture of young marriage in America, specifically in the South. What is rushing these young adults? Is it their parents, or the influence of their church and beliefs? Is it simply the fact that they are in love? I can’t decide what the reigning influence is, but I know that the lack of foresight and contemplation makes me uncomfortable. I’m not declaring that young adults should hold off until they’re 40 to get married and have kids, but I do believe that hasty decisions made before the age of 27 could later cause chaos.

So, that got me thinking about the broader concept of commitment. Is marriage serving people the way it once did? My own parents found each other later in life, and my mom didn’t have me until she was 36. My brother was born four years later. They were hesitant to get into a relationship after both having less-than-positive experiences in their previous ones. Their age, maturity, and previous life experiences all contributed to them providing the best life possible for my brother and me, and they have excelled in almost every aspect of life now as parents and independent individuals, as they approach their 20th anniversary. In any relationship, I believe that both adults should go into marriage knowing who they are without the other person, and many of these couples getting engaged around me don’t seem to have that. They associate themselves as a packaged deal and allow very little opportunity for their own developing sense of identity to be created.

I have told friends and family that I would ideally want to get married later rather than earlier. Marriage is not just the joining of two people who love each other: it is a legally binding contract that creates a union and is difficult to unwind. Additionally, children are one of the biggest responsibilities any human will take on, and I want to make sure I can enjoy years of solace, inner reflection, and freedom from that responsibility before I give any child my full attention. Although I feel this way towards marriage and commitment, I do applaud young couples who stay together for decades. I recognise that an undeniable affection for another person can result in a stable relationship, and I take inspiration from those who successfully make theirs work. However, for the young adults of today, I ask: Why are you in a hurry? Why not relish where you are now? Why not take more time to develop your own identity before you are legally bound to another person? For women, two things can exist at once. You can be your own woman and have a boyfriend.

Anyway, to each their own.

Sources read/cited

Joseph, Chanté. “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Vogue, 29 Oct. 2025, www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now. Accessed 05 Nov. 2025.

“Is 25 Really the Magic Number?” Office for Science and Society, 29 Aug. 2025, www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/critical-thinking-student-contributors/25-really-magic-number. Accessed 05 Nov. 2025.